Thursday, February 16, 2012

An Ending

Someone just died in a story I'm writing.

It was a surprise to me.

I thought she would make it. In the story path I had in my mind, she made it. I'd planned for everything to turn out okay. A happy ending. But... when I wrote the words... she died.

I haven't felt this much grief for the death of a story-person in a really long time. I'm not crying, or anything, like I did once years ago. But I am... stopped. Paused. Crushed, even. It never occurred to me that she would, or even could, die. It never crossed my mind. 

Part of me says 'don't be silly, she was only a string of letters and punctuation, she was only alive in your mind. You can change it if you want to.'


I don't think that part of me is right.

I don't think I can save this character, otherwise I wouldn't be feeling so sad about her. She was real, even if only in my mind. I didn't know that I cared so much until she died.

We'll see. I could be wrong, I've been wrong before. But that soft ache that maybe only writers feel says my character is gone, and that the story will have to conclude without her.

4 comments:

  1. That is so interesting. I thought if you were the author you did whatever you wanted with your story. It sounds like the story is coming THROUGH you, rather than you choosing its path. Hmmm... It sounds like you have a muse. Lucky you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's the problem with being a discovery writer... oh, that I were a writer who knew where he was going! Oh, that I were an outliner! But alas - I must instead intuit my way through my stories.

    And then revise like crazy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had a feeling you were a discovery writer. Must be the poet that lurks inside you. Or maybe it just takes one to know one?

      Delete
    2. Quite possibly. :) I feel like storytelling should be as organic as possible. Y'know?

      Delete