Tuesday, May 8, 2018

I Don't Like The New Star Wars, Cause They Betrayed Han

Okay, so, true confession time. I haven't seen the latest Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi. And it's because of golden bathrobes. 


Just kidding.

Really, it's about the many good things about the original trilogy having Bantha crap smeared all over them. 

Luke Skywalker, quitting? Never. He might as well have turned to the dark side. Han Solo, running out on his family and becoming a smuggler again? A CRAPPIER SMUGGLER THAN BEFORE? 

Han Solo came back to the Death Star to save Luke. Then stuck around for the Rebellion for years, because he didn't suck and there was always good in him. He ran out to find Luke on Hoth, risking his life to find his lost friend.




You tell me this is a Han Solo who wouldn't have gone across a galaxy looking for Luke?

He faced death with calm and dignity in The Empire Strikes Back. He comforted Chewie when confronted with being frozen in carbonite.




You tell me that's a Han Solo who would wimp out on his wife and run off to go be a wuss?

Nah.

Yes, he's a scoundrel. But scoundrel or no, he wasn't a coward. 

Ruffian, pirate, braggart? 

Yes, yes, yes. Guilty on all counts.

Never a coward.

And there is something about the way he faced his death, there, in that scene, and in a few others, that tells me that Han Solo is made of sterner stuff than perhaps the new Star Wars movies would like me and you to think.

I refuse to accept The Force Awaken's version of events. Star Wars has lost its way, and I do not think it shall find it again. I haven't seen any Star Wars films since The Force Awakens. The prequels were bad enough. These sequels are a new level of bad.

I'm sorry if that means that we can't be friends. As for me, it's all right if you love something I hate. My mom loves tomatoes, and she and I are still friends, so... 

I once literally barfed onto my plate when I tried to eat one of these. My mom stopped making me eat tomatoes after that.

Please don't make me watch any more bad Star Wars movies. I might barf.


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